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Post by The Phantom on May 20, 2011 4:54:09 GMT 8
Some of what the guys laughed at during the war.
Buddy Hackett remembers, " we had a Colonel named Fat Ass Johnson. Nobody ever called him Fat Ass Johnson to his face but I once called him that on the phone.
You see I was working in the motor pool. That's where they keep jeeps and trucks and vehicles like that.
The phone rings, The sign said "Recruits do not answer the phone". I didn't know what's a recruit so I answers the phone.
A voice answers and says, "Soldier what vehicles have you got available?" " I said 6 trucks, 7 jeeps, an M.A. armored car, a half track, and Fat Ass Johnson's command car."
He said, "Have you any idea who you are talking to?"
I said "No sir."
He said this is Colonel Johnson!"
I said, "Colonel , do you have any idea who you are talking to?"
He said ,"No"
I said, "Goodbye Fat Ass!"
................................. After seeing to it that Italy's trains ran on time, Mussolini was so proud of himself, he told the government printing office to print a stamp in his likeness.
Much to his dismay the postal workers started complaining that the new stamps were falling off the envelopes. Every day there were layers of the stamps on the bottom of their mail bags.
Mussolini rushed to the printers and demanded to know why the highest quality glue hadn't been used on the stamps.
"But it was Il Duce!" the horrified printer replied.
We've looked into the unfortunate situation and found that the people are spitting on the wrong side!"
.................................... A group of Polish soldiers was briefed by their captain just before the blitzkrieg.
" Men as you know ammunition is in short supply. Thus we must ask this question."
If you are confronted by a German soldier and a Russian soldier, Which one would would you shoot?"
Sheepish private Krasnoyarsk replied, "The German sir."
"Really?" and why?"
"Business before pleasure, sir!" .............................................. Feel free to add your own humor from the War years.
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Post by batteryboy on May 20, 2011 7:09:06 GMT 8
Hahahaha!!! Good one!
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Post by okla on May 20, 2011 23:23:11 GMT 8
Hey Phantom....I haven't laughed this hard, this early, in a very long time. Thanks for posting. I especially liked the Motor Pool joke. I had a similar experience that unnerved me bigtime on my first day at my new assignment after returning from Korea. I was seated at my desk when a distinguished Officer came into the Section and asked where my OIC could be found. Thinking that this Officer was one of the people who labored in the Ops/Intell section, I remained seated and responded, "Major Clayson" had just stepped out. At that moment, said Major entered the room, saying, "General Ergott, what can I do for you". They both left for the General's office, located in the Building next door to ours. I sweated bullets and blood for about half an hour, waiting for my Major to return with the firing squad. When he did return, his face was as red as a Matador's cape, saying, "Sergeant, I know discipline and military courtesy was more lax in Korea, especially in your unit which was overflowing with Squadron level officers, but Dammit, here in the States, we are expected to "pop to" when a General Officer, especially the Air Division Commander enters the section". I responded that "this I would have done, but I thought he was "just" a Major or Lieutenant Colonel". He was so put out with me that when I came up for promotion to Staff Sergeant the next month, he didn't recommend me for said promotion. Luckily, for me, my Major shipped out for Tachikawa, Japan the next month and the following month I got my promotion. If the truth be known, I betcha the good General didn't really think anything about some dopey little Buck Sergeant not leaping to attention when he entered the room. Probably got a belly full of saying "as you were" fifty times a day. Methinks, there are too many Field Grade Officers in HQ, but I suppose they are necessary evils. Give me a bunch of Fighter Pilots anytime. They be a different breed of cat.
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Post by The Phantom on May 21, 2011 4:27:02 GMT 8
I've heard stories, and read them, about the peace time, stateside, B.S. that went on.
I was never in the service myself, ( badly broken ankle as a teenager, poor repair job by my Doctor left that leg shorter, and ankle permanently weak.)
Power in the wrong hands always a bad thing.
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Post by The Phantom on May 21, 2011 4:52:24 GMT 8
" At the shore base in England where I was stationed during World War II, reasons for reporting back late to base from leave ranged from the believable to the absurd.
But a prize should have gone to the sailor who, when asked why he had missed his train, protested, "I did catch the train sir....but it got away!"
and produced the compartment door handle as proof."
.....................................................
"One stormy night a marine private was on his first guard duty assignment. Presently a General stepped out to take his dog for a walk.
The nervous private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and cried out, " Sir, good evening Sir!"
The general, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said," Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
It was hardly a nice night, but the soldier wasn't about to disagree with the General. So he saluted and replied,"Sir, yes Sir!"
The General continued, saying, "There is something about a stormy night that I find soothing. It's all really relaxing, don't you agree?"
The private didn't agree, but the private was just a private, and responded, " Sir, yes Sir!?
Indicating the dog, the General said, " This is a golden retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, And said, "Sir, yes Sir!"
The General continued, "I got this dog for my wife."
The private said, "Good trade Sir!"
..................................... It was a Dear John letter in reverse, a girl from Nebraska complained, because her G.I. was deserting her for an Australian girl.
"What's she got that I haven't got?" The American girl wanted to know?
"Nothing" wrote her former boyfriend, "But she's got it here."
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2011 4:29:41 GMT 8
Robert Leckie tells of one such story during the Pacific War whereby the marines on nightwatch in their foxholes were bombarded with obscene and somewhat humorous epethets. A thin, reedy voice yelled at them out of the gloom, saying "Marine, you die! Blood for the Emperor! This went on for quite some time until the Japanese shouted the worst possible slur. "US Marines all be dead tomorrow!" Whereupon a number of the marine grunts shouted back. "Yeah, and you'll eat sh%t first too! To hell with your f^%#ing Emperor! Blood for Franklin and Eleanor!!" along with a number of other obscene and derisive comments.
All was quiet for several seconds until that same thin, reedy voice shouted. "F^%ck Babe Ruth
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2011 4:40:29 GMT 8
True story, but I can't remember its source. I guess Army humor gets pretty rough while troops are in battle. In this case, US troops in a platoon were advancing across the hilly terrain of Sicily, ever mindful of being in the crosshairs of German snipers from a far off village and everyone ducked whenever a German rifle round went by them. Suddenly, one of the men in the squad went down hard from a shot to the forehead that made a strange metalic, ricochet noise as it hit. The wounded man's foxhole buddy, screamed "MEDIC!", crawled over to his pal and turned him over, fully expecting to find him dead. Instead, the buddy started laughing hysterically and nearly went into convulsions. The medic reached the pair and tried to examine the wounded man, but was soon overcome with laughter as well and joined him. The platoon sgt soon reached the three troopers and just like that, there were three men laughing hysterically on the ground.
The wounded man finally grabbed his rifle and angrily crawled away from the three insanely laughing men, cursing under his breath. He had been hit in the forehead from an spent rifle round that hit him below the bill of his helmet, both cutting the skin and cauterizing it with its heat, before ricocheting off into the distance and sounding as if the bullet had careened off steel plate. From that day on, his nick-name was "Skillet Head."
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2011 4:46:37 GMT 8
When the Filippino-American forces withdrew onto the Bataan Peninsula a few weeks after the start of the war, it was found that insufficient amounts of food supplies had been stored there to withstand a long, siege. The soldiers were immediately placed on half rations. Enterprising troops soon began hunting and trapping every type of animal that could be utilized for food. The native carabao (water buffalo) population on the peninsula soon vanished, soon followed by snakes, lizards and monkeys. One soldier commented. " I can personally vouch for mule meat. It's tasty and easy to chew. Snake and lizard isn't half bad to eat and tastes alot like chicken. Monkey isn't too bad either, unless you're unlucky enough to find a monkey hand in your mess kit."
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2011 4:57:39 GMT 8
On Guadalcanal, there were frequent Japanese small attack incursions made into the Marine defense perimeter. In fact, many of the infiltrating Japanese got well behind the main line of resiistance to attack softer targets of the Marine rear echelon. A small scale attack was made upon a Marine chow hall and the cooks there found themselves fighting hand to hand with half starved Japanese invaders before a Marine security detail could dispatch the invaders, down to the last man. Hours later, a grizzled old Marine cook regaled the men waiting in the chow line about his fight to the death with a Japanese NCO during the attack, embellishing it over and over with each retelling. Finally, an old Sergeant, who was waiting in line, and tired of hearing the cook's war stories, spat out his cigarette butt and yelled. "What did you do Sunshine? Hit him in the head with one of your own pancakes?!"
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Post by okla on May 22, 2011 6:10:45 GMT 8
While working as a computer operator back in the 1970s and 80s, I became well acquainted with an IBM tech who periodically checked our office machines. He told of being wounded at Inchon in 1950 when, as a USMC "grunt", he took shelter behind the seawall to have a "bowel action" (not his words, but you get my drift). He had dropped his fatigue pants and skivvies,and squatted when either a piece of shrapnel or a single round entered and exited each cheek of his butt. He said he was humiliated afterwards when his buddies inquired if he would be getting 4 Purple Hearts since he did have 4 separate wounds. No bones were hit, just 4 painful flesh wounds, two in each cheek of his posterior. He offered to show the doubting male members of the computer department the scars, but we all declined, figuring if he was willing to "drop his drawers" to prove his beachead "valor" he must have been on the level with his yarn. Cheers.
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