|
Post by The Phantom on May 26, 2011 6:12:59 GMT 8
The following letter is an actual answer written by an officer in reply to a communication about procurement of insecticide.
1/ Following telephone information from your office that you were unable to issue carbon disulphide for use in this office for ant control, and following receipt of your letter listing insect repellents furnished by your office---request was made of Quartermaster for carbon disulphide for use by this office for ant control.
We were informed by Quartermasters that they could only issue such preparation if the ant to be exterminated was in the building. If it was outside the building, the issuance of such preparation properly should come from the Engineering dept.
It is difficult to determine the intention of the ants we are attempting to exterminate---Some live inside and wander outside for food, while some live outside and wander inside for food. It is a rather difficult problem to determine which ants come from without, and is what you might call an Engineering ant, and which ants come from within and is what would be called an Quartermaster ant.
Some of our ants appear to be going in circles and others are apparently wandering at random with no thought of destination---such ant tactics are very confusing and could result in the exterminating of a Quartermaster ant by Engineering poison or a Engineering ant being exterminated by Quartermaster poison.
2/ In view of the fact that Quartermaster poison has been found to kill the ant just as dead as an Engineering poison---and visa versa, request is made that your office draw identical poison for this office from both Engineering and Quartermaster and to mix same so there will be no way of knowing which poison killed the ant---the assumption being that no well bred G.I. ant would eat other than poison issued through the proper channels to final destination --which destination being aforementioned dead or dying ant.
|
|
|
Post by okla on May 26, 2011 8:25:09 GMT 8
Hey Phantom....That is a riot. You talk about "going by the book", following proper procedures, etc. That one is to the extreme, methinks. The following one was done for laughs, probably to ridicule such practices. One morning, posted prominently on the Squadron Bulletin Board, there appeared the following (or something very similar. I quote from a failing memory as it happened way back in 1953 or 54). " It has been brought to the attention of the Squadron Commander that some personnel of this unit have been in the practice of taking and eating urinal cakes from the latrine. This practice will halt immediately under the penalty of Courts Martial. Signed...Phillip K. Cameron, Captain, USAF, Squadron Commander" No one ever discovered who posted this Notice. It sure as Hell wasn't Captain Cameron. He was a New York City Private Detective, recently recalled to active duty due to the Korean War, and was very bitter and totally void of humor after three years of World War 2 service. The culprit may be skulking this very day, in fear of being "outed" and at the mercy of the vindictive Captain Cameron. Cheers.
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jun 3, 2011 3:44:15 GMT 8
Good one okla...............
....................................
Mark passed his enlistment exam easily. The doctor said, "Why do you want to join the Navy son?"
"My father told me it would be a good idea sir."
"Oh?, and what does your father do son?"
He's in the Army, sir."
.....................................
The Army Airborne Major was accustomed to harassment by the Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good airplanes.
"Obviously the Air Force is aware that there is no such thing as a perfectly good aircraft,." the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"Oh, you've got it all wrong Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. 'The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of planes voluntarily is gonna be to dumb to pregnant dog about the salary."
..........................................
A soldier stationed in the Pacific wrote to his wife in the states to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off the local women.
The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson books and sheet music.
Rotated back home, he rushed home and through the front door, where his wife was waiting.
"Oh Darling," he gushed ... "come here.......... let me look at you, let me hold you!" "Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night long. I've missed your loving so much!"
The wife, keeping her distance, said, All in good time, lover.
First let me hear you play that HARMONICA."
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jun 3, 2011 3:49:59 GMT 8
Bit..........automatically becomes pregnant dog, interesting.
|
|
|
Post by okla on Jun 10, 2011 22:55:38 GMT 8
Hey Phantom....This particular story comes from some of the older (older than me, even) members of the Oklahoma 45th Infantry Division (The "Thunderbird" National Guard outfit of World War 2 fame). I don't have any idea if this yarn is true or not, but it is funny, methinks. Somewhere in Italy during 1943 or 44, in a rear echelon rest area, a member of the Texas 36th Division, also a National Guard unit, spoke up, saying, "show me an "Okie" and I will show you a SOB". At this point a huge, quiet spoken, member of the 45th stepped toward the Texas orator and said, "I am an Okie", whereupon the much smaller Texas trooper responded, "well, I am a SOB". ;D
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jun 16, 2011 5:41:25 GMT 8
How tall are you okla?
A 20 year veteran on his life's work......
" I started out with nothing...... And I've got most of it left."
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jun 16, 2011 5:50:54 GMT 8
From "We Were Expendable"
When one of the P.T. boats that brought Mac Arthur to Mindanao ran aground on a reef and the men were told if they couldn't get it off themselves it would be destroyed.
The Men of the P.T. squadron, who hadn't been paid since the beginning of the war decided to hire local Filipinos to help get it off using their own money.
" They'd had no pay since the start of the war, but since they'd been down here in Mindanao, they'd had shore leave and had a chance to play poker with the Army.
The government could could cut the cost of the war by just paying the army and then just give the Navy a chance to play poker with them."
|
|
|
Post by okla on Jun 16, 2011 8:16:09 GMT 8
Hey Phantom....A bit more humor (to most of those who witnessed it, but not the victim) from the Korean Era. Early one morning, while going thru the mess line at Great Falls AFB, Montana, one of the men, belligerent as he could be, kept holding up the mess line while demanding that more scrambled eggs be placed on his mess tray. The cook who was serving the eggs kept telling him to move on and come back for "seconds" later. The culprit kept demanding more eggs until the server said, "OK, you want more eggs and whacked the guy up beside the head with a ladle full of scrambled eggs. Blood flew everywhere in the vicinity, on nearby troops in the serving line, splattering the eggs, bacon,etc. Luckily I was spared any droplets (blood or eggs). Naturally the mess line was shut down and those who hadn't been served went without chow that morning (except for dry toast and cereal). Needless to say there was much complaining by many hungry GIs. The cook was "busted" from Corporal to PFC and the guy who caused the trouble was given two weeks extra duty and four stitches over one eye brow. By the way, I am 6-ft in height. Somewhere, over the years I have lost one inch. I have heard, in my younger days, that one could look forward to this happening when the "geezer" years descended upon you.
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jun 29, 2011 4:18:46 GMT 8
Here's a well circulated story about an MP ordering the driver of a Maine jeep:
" Put those G-- D---m lights out!"
The driver did.
However the passenger, a general, told the driver, "Put those G-- D--m lights back on!"
The driver did.
Now the MP yelled even louder, "Put those G-- D--m lights out!"
"I can't the driver yelled, "I've got the G-- D--m general with me!"
|
|
|
Post by The Phantom on Jul 20, 2011 6:26:30 GMT 8
Winston Churchill's response upon hearing Clement Atlee was considered a modest man by other politicians of his time. (Atlee replaces Churchill as Prime Minister in 1945.)
'He has much to be modest about!"
|
|